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Aug. 7th, 2008
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Aug. 7th, 2008 09:22 amWow that was horribly ugly wasn't it? I feel bad that I did it but somehow not as bad as I did keeping all that hurt inside. I've never been the type to let someone hurt me, whether unintentionally or on purpose, without so much as a word of protest. If I was, I wouldn't have spoke up when my father abuse me, or my cousin molested me, or when my Step Dad stood there in the bathroom talking to me while I was naked and humiliated. Maybe I'm stronger than I give myself credit for, who knows.
But seriously now, if you're in something with me (and I know some of you are) and you've moved on to something else, for God's sake quit! Don't leave me there for weeks saying "Oh I'm sure they'll do it tomorrow". As my faith in you as a friend gets slowly erroded away until I wonder if you're just doing this to hurt me. It's the one thing that I keep saying that only Sker seems to understand. When you do that, it hurts me. It hurts me much more than if you just quit to join another rp, because it's weeks and weeks of me trusting you and you letting me down time and time again. And when it comes from more than 3 different people, well then I just start thinking maybe I'm not worth that kind of respect. Cause I mean, if 4 or 5 people are all doing the same thing, then the common denominator is me, and that means that I must not be a good enough friend to warrent care or concern of my feelings. I wonder if anyone realizes how shitty that feels. I also wonder if that annonymous coward from my last bout of depression will return this time.
Ugh, I'm getting all mopey again.
Anyroad, in other news, things are proceeding decently with my plans for Eifel the Tabletop rpg. I'm going to commision a friend to help me with the art for the book because it's a lot for one person to do, and another friend is helping me develope the system that it'll play on. I'm planning to look up some good art referances soon so that should be fun. It just goes to show, you can kill my rp, but not my world. If we're all really lucky, we may even get it published for distribution. If not, I'll at least have a physical copy of the book for myself and a couple for the people who helped me. I was just thinking that I should probably make an online copy available too, so that I can maybe get some people to playtest it for me and see how it runs. I will not give up without doing everything in my power to make this happen. Even if it's as small as this, I want to do something in my life.
Which reminds me that I still have a lot to do for that world. Like coming up with a slew of monsters for my players to kill ^.^|| Of course, I suppose I'll have to get all the basics out of the way first. You know, Orc, Goblin, ect. Oh wait, Goblins are Boreal heh, Gremlin then :D Or Gerbil.....
.Jett
But seriously now, if you're in something with me (and I know some of you are) and you've moved on to something else, for God's sake quit! Don't leave me there for weeks saying "Oh I'm sure they'll do it tomorrow". As my faith in you as a friend gets slowly erroded away until I wonder if you're just doing this to hurt me. It's the one thing that I keep saying that only Sker seems to understand. When you do that, it hurts me. It hurts me much more than if you just quit to join another rp, because it's weeks and weeks of me trusting you and you letting me down time and time again. And when it comes from more than 3 different people, well then I just start thinking maybe I'm not worth that kind of respect. Cause I mean, if 4 or 5 people are all doing the same thing, then the common denominator is me, and that means that I must not be a good enough friend to warrent care or concern of my feelings. I wonder if anyone realizes how shitty that feels. I also wonder if that annonymous coward from my last bout of depression will return this time.
Ugh, I'm getting all mopey again.
Anyroad, in other news, things are proceeding decently with my plans for Eifel the Tabletop rpg. I'm going to commision a friend to help me with the art for the book because it's a lot for one person to do, and another friend is helping me develope the system that it'll play on. I'm planning to look up some good art referances soon so that should be fun. It just goes to show, you can kill my rp, but not my world. If we're all really lucky, we may even get it published for distribution. If not, I'll at least have a physical copy of the book for myself and a couple for the people who helped me. I was just thinking that I should probably make an online copy available too, so that I can maybe get some people to playtest it for me and see how it runs. I will not give up without doing everything in my power to make this happen. Even if it's as small as this, I want to do something in my life.
Which reminds me that I still have a lot to do for that world. Like coming up with a slew of monsters for my players to kill ^.^|| Of course, I suppose I'll have to get all the basics out of the way first. You know, Orc, Goblin, ect. Oh wait, Goblins are Boreal heh, Gremlin then :D Or Gerbil.....
.Jett