Oct. 2nd, 2006

mangacide: (Bad Roll)
Yeah, fat. It can be a horribly shallow subject. But I'd like to think I'm not going that way this time.
I have a problem with my fat you see.
The problem is, I don't feel like I'm fat. I know I am, logically, when I look in the mirror. I know the statistics, 5', 210 lbs, that adds up to overweight.
However, when I'm not looking at my body, when I think about myself in my head, I never imagine myself as fat. I don't quite understand how to explain it, It's just, the feelings, the constant screaming in my head of 'oh I'm so fat I'm a pig I should be locked away where no one can see me', that doesn't exist in my brain most of the time. Just those rare occations. I'm usually kind of shocked when I see pictures of myself, it's like I'm looking at a stranger.
Maybe it's because I haven't always been this way, I dunno. It just seems, kind of surreal to me I suppose.
I guess I'm just strange or something ^.^||


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