mangacide: (Miss me)
[personal profile] mangacide
So, we have the beginnings of feats! Isn't it amazing? But it's made me think of a lot of other things. How are we going to market this? Who will publish us? And who are we going to get to carry the product? Thinking about it is quite daunting. Intimidating even. I honestly...can't even imagine. Then there's the question of how we're going to get a group together to playtest the system, and what about going to conventions? We're supposed to do that aren't we? I don't know what the rules are for people who make a gaming book. Do we have to go to those or does it just look bad or something if we don't?

But that's still far off in the distance. It's not even on the horizon yet so we do I worry so? Well that's easy enough I suppose. I'm going to be 30 in about 5 months. A time period that isn't as long as it seems. And I feel like...well not that I'm getting old, but that the longer one waits to begin taking themselves seriously in terms of what they will do with their lives, the harder it becomes to actually achieve what they want to. On the other hand though, my possible infertility could be a blessing in disguise, as the lack of a child frees up more time to work on what I need to be doing to make this happen.

Other than that though, things are going painfully slow. I'm in the middle of a horrible artistic slump. Now more than ever I want that tablet PC, because sitting on the edge of my bed facing the monitor, with hardly any room for my tablet in my lap (It keeps hitting the tray out kayboard is sitting on) is just uncomfortable. And tiring. I want to be able to sit comfortably when I'm drawing. I guess I'm just spoiled. A scanner would be nice too. So that when I draw in my notebook it's not forever separated from the rest of the Emerald Blues images and text.

I feel like I'm struggling against deep, swift rapids, trying to acompllish something. Because I love Eifel and want to share it with others, and because I don't want to feel like a waste of space. Or a burden on my Husband and my Mother in Law and Myself.

But enough of that. It's overcast today. I like overcast days, and days when it rains. It makes me feel calm inside, even if I can't say that I feel peacefull. Sunny days have their merits too though, because the light coming through the windows reflects off of all the crystals I hung there, casting prisms all about my room. It makes my room feel magical, and I always feel a little happier seeing it. A lot of my ideas have come from just laying on my bed, watching the prisms gliding across the ceiling and walls. Or staring outside at the green lawn and bright flowers, watching hummingbirds and doves and finches flitting about the trees and bushes.


I have so much to do...and so little energy to do it with.

~ Jett
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September 2010

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