Jan. 18th, 2010

mangacide: (Cheerfully Evil)
How do you talk to your friends? Do you censor yourself? And if you do, how much do you keep hidden? When you do share, how does it make you feel? Do you feel like you're placing a burden on your friends by sharing this information with them? But at the same time, do you realize that when you share this information, you offer a gift to that friend. It brings them closer, and they in turn, are often happy to take on some of that burden, so that you can be lighter knowing that that support is there for you when you need it.

I try to share my life with my friends when I can, but often times when someone asks me how I am, I just can't find the right words to describe myself. It's better to ask a more specific question I believe, about your day or your week or your personal wellbeing. But whatever the method, I believe if we are all able to share more with our friends, then we can take some weight onto each others shoulders, and be more evenly balanced for the experience.

I love my friends. Even the ones that I don't talk to often, and the ones that I'm not completely sure how they feel about me. In a perfect world, these are people I would live near, and do things with in the real world. I feel like sometimes the confines of a computer screen are very restrictive. It's harder to feel really close to someone you haven't seen, shaken hands with, hugged. You may see the same movies or watch the same animes, but you can't have them come with you to the theater, or invite them to your house to watch those things together. It makes me very sad sometimes.

On the other hand though, the computer is a very usefull tool. I doubt someone like me would have the power to attempt publishing a Gaming book without things like wordpad. And if I didn't go on sites like Deviantart, I wouldn't have met Evan and gotten the assistance I need to undertake such a project. And that's not even getting into all the work I've been doing on photoshop. The computer really is a double edged sword for me.

And on the topic of Emerald Blues, things have been going well lately. With the help of my dear friends, we've whittled down the list of 50 monsters that needed descriptions. I can't say I envy Evan though, since he has to write the technical info for them all ._.|| Heck, I don't envy anyone who has to write level growth tables and things like damage reduction for any Monsters x.x|| It's a pretty big task y'know? But the payoff will be amazing if we can make the book at least a little bit of a success.

I'm terribly scared of the future of this project though. Because I don't know the first thing about making a book. I don't know how to promote it or where to get copywrights or who to talk to. And if I think about it too much I start to realize just how large a project this is. It becomes overwhelming and intimidating. But I keep working on it because I want it to be a success. I want to make sure that I've done all I can while I'm here to have a productive life. So I have to keep working.

I'm trying to make the Monsters in Eifel very organic in nature. That is, unless it's something created by magic or science, I'm trying to make sure that the monsters I'm writing about have a place in the natural world there. The predetors actually hunt the herbavores there, instead of just waiting around for the humanoids to come and attack them. It can get kind of hard though, thinking of how they should relate to the world around them. Maybe I'm just overthinking it though.


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